Meet Marley. Okay, her name is Brooklyn but the nickname has been thrown around upon occasion. I love waking up to my ever faithful Labradors' wet black nose peering over the side of my bed every morning. It's the same routine every day. Whenever she hears me begin to rustle around in my sheets, check emails on the Blackberry, send the morning text to the boyfriend, she unfailing reports for duty at the side of my nightstand. Even when I attempt to feign being asleep to avoid the getting up process this little canine is on to me. Brooklyn will be five this January, which will also mark our four and a half year courtship. She is the product of an impulse trip to the pound after convincing an ex that I could never feel fulfilled by a fish or a guinea pig. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Even when she pees on my pillow when she's angry. Anyone else have that problem?
Relationships. The hardest and most rewarding aspect of life. They make us laugh, cry, melt, throw stuff, write sappy notes (emails), eat too much ice cream, spend too much time daydreaming, drink too much wine, send mean text messages, send schmaltzy text messages, say things we don't mean, mean things we're scared to say, do sweeter acts than we thought we were capable of, and compromise our girl time to cheer on a touch down, home run, or swoosh(?)
Let's be honest though, they take a hell of a lot of work and no one ever told us that when we were plopped down on the papasan sippin a Capri Sun watching Sleeping Beauty and her handsome prince. As I have previously mentioned, I am big into self help----don't worry, not like Dr. Phil or anything embarrassing like that. This is by far one of the best relationship books I have ever read on applying mindfulness to your relationship. And while there are SO many quotable quotes in this book on mindfulness, ego, trust, acceptance, conflict etc., here's a little exert that I chose to share with a dear friend of mine this morning:
"So many frayed strands of disappointment, some barely noticeable, dangle from our hearts in the complex tapestry of a lifetime. We may experience a great and crushing disappointment about our partner or our relationship at one time or another, or many little ones along the way. Disappointment is a kind of loss, the loss of what we had hoped something was or could be. At bottom is the loss of an illusion to which we were clinging or relied on. The only thing that can be lost, after all, is illusion. Disappointment can lead to despair, the illusion that there is no alternative. But to experience disappointment consciously is to embrace it, learn from it, and go on loving, to accept that all humans are a combination of contradictions. Anyone can please and displease, come through and fail, satisfy and disappoint. No one pleases all the time, yet we do not give up on others. Projections about another person's perfection or trustworthiness collapse as we grow up and arrive at realism." ~David Richo.
In listening to an R.E.M. tribute on 91X this morning on my bagel/gas run, I thought that this would be an appropriate post for today. The band, which has called it quits after over three decades of making music together, has undoubtedly graced the boomboxes, walkmens, discmans and tape decks of all of us eighties babies.
This is my personal fave, "Night Swimming" from the group's eighth album Automatic for the People released in 1992. And here is also an article from Rolling Stone about the breakup; because let's be honest, they know their stuff better than me!
As I embark upon my third go at the blogosphere, I thought a good place to start would be to tell you a bit about myself and what I intend to write, muse, ponder and expound upon on here.
I'm Alex and in a short week and a half I will be turning 29. This idea of the "Saturn Return" as previously posted about, has always intrigued me as I feel as though my glorified twenties while fun have been anything but smooth sailing.
I'll start by telling you I'm a Marriage and Family Therapist and am eternally grateful that I finally found my calling in life career wise. This is my third career move in six years, albeit this one required a Masters degree and a nice chunk of loans from the federal government. The previous ones in chronological order were writer and marketing coordinator/director sending me bouncing around the country from California, to New York City, to Charleston, South Carolina and back to San Diego awkwardly filling entry level positions that I knew were not stepping stones for me.
I've lived in TEN apartments/town houses/etc. (and even one friend's couch in Brooklyn, NY) since I graduated from college and have finally learned how to pair down my growing amount of material belongings before each move. I've been engaged (Scarlet Letter E) and had my heart broken a few times as we most have, but none so much as to leave me permanently damaged or feeling as though the right person isn't out there. I fully intend to cover the dating game and relationships on here FYI. I'm a marriage therapist, what did you expect?
I have a secret penchant for self help books, shhh...and the Twilight series. I hate conflict, most forms of exercise, barnacles, reusing the same towel, and insurance companies. And I love Diet Coke and red wine, as long as I'm confessing vices here.
What do I plan to write about? Not totally sure yet. Most likely books I'm reading, relationship issues, what I can tell you about my career without having HIPPA breaking down my door, music and the little I know about fashion but glean from those around me.
These upper twenties years are filled with change, uncertainty, exciting prospects for the future, failed and working relationships, some first gray hairs, first 401K plans and watching your friends become husbands and wives, professionals, mothers and fathers and dare I say it, adults. I thought this would be a good forum to discuss this overlooked time period in our lives.
I also SWEAR I will not write this much every day. I have a good friend coaching me on this whole blog thing and she tells me brevity is where it's at.
So go forth not-yet-thirty somethings and make the best of these years while you're still looking so damn good!
I'm a unmarried female in my late 20s. A Marriage and Family Therapist, an optimist, a cynic, a sarcastic, hopeful, lover of music, wine and reading, dogs, sensitivity and humor. And a girl without a TV that needed a new hobby :)